Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
