we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize