Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
