the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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