I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dicks are not precious.
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