Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do herpes really smell.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
