you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize