I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
