Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
