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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize