I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
