this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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