How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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