I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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