Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
