rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
