the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
