This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
