So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
