I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
