I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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