Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
