We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
