Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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