it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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