Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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