I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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