Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
