when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
organizing the empties. That sober.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
