Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
