Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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