I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will pee on everything he values.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
