So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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