Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
