do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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