Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
