I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
