I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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