Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
