Where did you get a picture of my penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
