Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
