She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
