like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im holly from the hills drunk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
