Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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