Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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