I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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