I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
