I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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