why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
