Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
