that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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