Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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