She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
