Soap is not a condiment
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
