think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
