She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
