Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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