Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
