He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
