he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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