i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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