If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone shit on the floor
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
