My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
