He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
