We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
