He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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