Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
