I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
