areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
